Yesterday's Ashes
by Tsurugi-chan
Summary: What if... Kurenai came back from the dead, but couldn't remember who the person she loved was? What if... Kurei had another chance to get back what he had lost?
1. Yesterday's Ashes: Prologue

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YESTERDAY'S ASHES

Disclaimer: Flame of Recca and Final Fantasy 8 do not belong to me. The characters and opening of this fic don't belong to me either; they belong to their respective producers, artists, whatever. This fic is an original work, so to anyone who thinks that my fic is a rip-off of yours, sorry, any resemblance is purely coincidental. Don't sue me 'cos all my money is going into buying my new uniform.

PROLOGUE

__

I'll be here…

Why…?

I'll be 'waiting' here…

For what?

I'll be waiting… for you… So if you come here… you'll find me

I promise

-Final Fantasy 8, opening FMV, copyright Square

The birds singing outside his window woke him. He got out of bed and drew the curtains back, letting the morning sun into the dark room. He leaned against the window, gazing absently into the distance, thinking of _her._ It was their anniversary today – the anniversary of the day they had met…

And of the day she had died.

__

'Kurenai…'

***

It was night now. A full moon hung low in the clear sky amidst the stars. The air was crisp and cool, perfect for a walk.

He made his way through the garden by the light of the moon, stopping by her favourite rose bush. Its fragrance was intoxicating in the still air. He closed his eyes and inhaled its scent, letting his thoughts turn back to the times when they had stood by the rose bush together. The sound of her laughter, her smile, the way her eyes shone in the moonlight all came rushing back to him. The feeling of her beside him was so real, that he almost believed that when he opened his eyes, she would be there next to him admiring the moon.

He felt someone approaching him and opened his eyes to see a shadowy figure making its way down the path towards him.

"Kurenai?" He whispered in disbelief.

The figure stopped. "Kurei-sama, it's me." Neon's voice drifted towards him.

"What is it?" His voice held a barely perceptible hint of disappointment and hurt in it.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if… Oh, never mind." Neon turned away abruptly. "It's late. Good night, Kurei-sama." She left as silently as she had come.

Left alone once more, Kurei sighed. He knew it was useless hoping and wishing, but still…

He reached out and broke off a rose in full-bloom from the bush before him. A red rose, the symbol of passion, something _she_ was full of. He caressed the silky petals gently as he walked back towards the mansion he called home. As he stood on the doorstep, a petal fell off into his hand, showing up as a dark spot against the whiteness of his palm in the silvery moonlight. He stared at it and said, half-aloud, "I wish we could be together again, Kurenai, and that this time, we would never be apart again."

A stiff breeze swept through the garden suddenly, making the leaves rustle melodiously and blowing the petal off his hand. It danced off with the wind and into the night sky. He watched it until it had blended in with the inky sky above, then turned and entered the house.

Behind him, a star streaked through the sky, leaving a brilliant trail in its wake across the heavens. A shooting star, on its way down to earth.

Insane author's notes: 

Ok, I've no idea what's got into me lately. I've suddenly been inspired to write so much serious stuff on my own. Oh well. *shrugs*

This is my second Kurenai fic, no idea why I'm still obsessing over her and Kurei. Hopefully it will be completed before I get over this obsession. Ü In fact, I don't even know why I'm still writing, considering that I've got to take a few major tests consecutively soon, and I haven't started studying, not to mention not paying attention during certain lessons… Btw, if the scene about the flower and Kurei resembles the opening FMV of FF8 (Rinoa and the feather), well… I just realised that it's rather similar. *grinz* Too much FF8, I guess.

Chapter 1 should be up over the next few days if I end up writing instead of finishing my homework. Please R & R! Thanks. 


	2. Yesterday's Ashes: Chapter 1

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YESTERDAY'S ASHES

Disclaimer: Yah, yah, don't own them, don't sue me. *grinz*

CHAPTER ONE

Kurei sat at the table, stoning at his plate, his thought on the dream that he had the night before. He had dreamt about Kurenai, something that hadn't happened for a long time. It was a pleasant dream, but to his irritation, he couldn't remember what on earth it was all about. He recalled vaguely that it seemed as though she was having a long conversation with him, and that she seemed to be alive once more.

"Kurei-sama?" Neon's voice interrupted his train of thought.

He snapped out of his daze and frowned slightly at her. "What?"

"Your food's getting cold."

So now she was starting to mother him as well. He glanced down at his food and decided that he wasn't in the mood to eat. He stood up and left the table, saying over his shoulder, "I'm not hungry. And I'm going out for a while."

Neon gazed at his retreating back and sighed inwardly, thinking about what he had called her a few nights ago. 'Kurenai… He thought I was Kurenai… So, he still can't forget you, after so many years…"

***

He looked at his reflection in the mirror, thinking with a slight irony that in normal clothes, he looked, well, like any other normal person would. No one would ever suspect that he was a flame caster. Flame… fire… He touched the burn mark across his left eye. Kurenai had given that to him when she became his flame. To him, it was a reminder of her. Still, a scar was a scar, and people would stare at him if he went around with it in plain view.

Kurei pulled open a drawer and began rummaging around for a pair of sunglasses to cover the mark. He didn't want to attract more attention than necessary. After all, which sane guy would walk around with a bunch of bangles on his left hand? His fingers encountered something cold and hard, a piece of metal. He drew it out and realised it was a necklace, a pendent in the shape of half a heart split down the middle hanging on a thin silver chain.

That chain, it brought back so many memories of the day she had given it to him…

Flashback

"Hey, Kurei, guess what day it is today?" Her eyes sparkled in the sun.

"I don't know." He was glancing around suspiciously, knowing that Mori had spies everywhere watching him.

"It's our anniversary! We've known each other for 2 years now."

"Oh…" He flushed slightly when he heard the word 'anniversary'. She made it sound like they were married.

"Here. This is for you." She took his hand and dropped something into his palm. A silver chain with a strange pendent on it.

"Well? Do you like it?"

"Kurenai… It's a necklace."

"Uh huh." She nodded as a mischievous grin spread across her face.

"You want _me_ to wear a _necklace_?"

She burst out laughing at the horrified expression on his face. "You don't _have_ to wear it, it's just a gift. Look, you have one side of the pendent, and I have the other. See?" She lifted up the piece of jewelry around her throat. "It shows that we'll always be a part of each other, and that we'll be together forever."

End flashback

Things didn't work out the way they had planned. Kurenai had been killed in front of him that very night. He'd chucked the necklace away in some obscure corner as it was too painful just looking at it.

__

'You don't have to wear it' He ran his fingers over the half heart and saw that it had her name engraved on the back. He smiled slightly as he slipped the chain over his head and tucked it into his shirt, thinking, 'Are you laughing at me now? After the big fuss I made about this, I still ended up wearing it. You win again, Kurenai.'

***

Kurei strode briskly down the crowded street, slipping easily through the jostling Saturday afternoon crowd. 'Whatever possessed me to come here at this hour?' he thought in irritation. Of all the places he could have gone to, he hadn't expected to end up in the shopping district.

A low rumble overhead made him quicken his pace. He looked for a place he could take shelter at before the rain started. He ducked under a doorway just as the first few drops of rain hit the pavement.

'Great. Now I'm stranded here until the rain stops.' He took off his sunglasses and scowled at the rain. No point wearing them now, most people wouldn't be able to see him clearly in the rain anyway. 

He was so absorbed in fuming at the rain that he didn't notice a woman dashing towards the doorway he was at. She carried a folder over her head as a cover from the rain. It also served to block her vision slightly. She slammed into Kurei at full speed, staggering backwards from the impact and almost falling before he caught her arm.

"Gomen, gomen," she apologised profusely as she blushed at the thought of crashing into a stranger. 

"It's alright, really," Kurei assured her as he let go of her arm and bent down to pick up the folder she was carrying.

She ran her fingers through her long brown hair to get the rain out of it, then smiled at him as she reached out to take the folder from him. "Thanks."

Kurei looked at her properly for the first time and froze. Her eyes, her smile, everything was exactly the same, even the sound of her voice. It was impossible, but…

What if it was?

"Sir? What's wrong?" She had a concerned look in her eyes. She was wondering if there was something wrong with him as he had not let go of the folder even though she was already holding onto it. Furthermore, he was staring at her with a strange expression.

"Excuse me? Are you alright?" she asked again, her voice urgent.

He blinked several times to clear the haze before his eyes, then said in a breathless voice, "You… you're Kurenai."

Insane author's notes:

Yeah! Chapter one finished! *streamers and balloons* As expected, I wrote this last night while supposedly doing my homework. Oh well. *shrugs*

I hoped this chapter wasn't too draggy, I think that it turned out longer than I expected. I like stuff short and sweet, you see. Yah, anyway, I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP, but definitely by next week. It might become a first person POV 'cos I'm having a bit of trouble writing in third person… it's easier to imagine that way. Guess it'll just depend on my mood when writing. Ü

Thanks for reading!


	3. Yesterday's Ashes: Chapter 2

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YESTERDAY'S ASHES

Disclaimer: Do I look or sound as though I'm Anzai? Duh, no. If I were Anzai in the first place, I wouldn't need a disclaimer right? For those who for some strange reason still think that I own the characters and what not, I don't. So, the moral of the story is don't sue me. Ü

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CHAPTER 2

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Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why.

We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye.

And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?

Let them ring out loud till they unfold.

In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me.

Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name.

In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me?

Was it fate, that brought us close and now leaves me behind?

'Melodies of Life', Final Fantasy 9

copyright Square

"You… you're Kurenai."

She stared at him, his words echoing in her brain. Her eyes widened as he suddenly grabbed her by her arm and said, his voice shaking slightly, "Kurenai? Is that really you?"

Before she could reply, there was a soft tinkle behind them as the door to the shop opened, revealing a kindly old woman who exclaimed, "My goodness! Kurenai-san, you're drenched! Why don't you and your friend come in and dry off? The rain doesn't seem like it is going to stop very soon."

Kurenai drew her arm out of Kurei's grasp. She glanced at Kurei, her eyes betraying the fear and uncertainty she felt before she turned and walked silently into the store as he stared dazedly at her back. The old woman gestured to him to enter, saying, "Please, come in." He bowed slightly to her and entered the store.

Inside, Kurenai took off the coat she was wearing and laid it across the back of a chair. Carefully avoiding Kurei's gaze, she walked over to where they were standing and handed the folder she was carrying to the old lady, saying, "Here's the file that you wanted." 

The old woman took the folder and smiled at her. "Thank you, dear. You didn't have any problems finding your way here, did you?"

__

Finding her way here? What's so hard about finding her way to the middle of the shopping district? Kurei thought. 

"Why don't the two of you go sit down over there while waiting for the rain to stop?"

Kurenai looked as though she wanted to say something, but decided against it and went over to the table beside the window. Kurei followed her there and sat opposite her. They regarded each other in silence for a few moments before she said, almost hesitantly, "How do you know my name?"

Kurei blinked in surprise. "Your… name?" She nodded. He stammered, "I, uh, well, that is, I used to know you. I think. I mean… I do know you, but, uh… You don't know who I am do you?" 

She stared at him and shook her head slightly. "I don't recall ever having seen you before in my entire life."

Kurei was stunned. "Are you sure? I'm positive that you _are_ Kurenai that I knew. I'm sure you'll remember who I am if you tried." 

She frowned slightly as she thought for a while, the shook her head again. "I really don't know who you are. At least, tell me your name. Maybe, I might be able to remember."

"Kurei. My name is Kurei."

"Kurei?"

He hoped that she would say that she remembered him. Yet, as he saw the confusion that clouded her amber eyes, his heart sank within him.

"I'm sorry, I really don't recall ever knowing you." She lowered her eyes and stared at the table, playing with the necklace she wore around her neck.

"You… really… can't remember anything about me? About us?"

"Us?" She lifted her head and stared at him. "What about us?"

"We used to be close." He bit his lip, wondering whether or not to tell her all about the relationship they had. That was, assuming that she really was _his_ Kurenai. "We were very close. More than friends."

"Your… girlfriend?" She tilted her head to one side and frowned, the way the Kurenai he knew before did whenever she was perplexed. He longed to reach out and caress her face, just to touch her to make sure she really was there before his eyes.

He nodded.

She was silent for awhile, digesting this new piece of information. Her head was already spinning from all the events that had taken place just minutes ago. _He looks so familiar, yet, I don't recall knowing him before… Why?_

He stared at her and sighed. _Kurenai, don't you remember? You were everything to me, and we used to do everything together. Until you… left me._

"I suppose that… you don't believe me, do you?" His voice was soft, not bearing a hint of accusation. She didn't say anything, but her silence spoke more than any words would.

Kurei's eyes fell on the necklace she wore, realising that it was the other half of the one Kurenai had given to him. He took a deep breath and said, "This is going to sound strange to you, and you probably won't believe me again, but… the necklace that you're wearing? The other half is with me. If you turn over the pendent, it has my name on the back of it."

She took off her necklace and flipped over the pendent just to see whether or not he was telling her the truth. She stared at the graceful writing at the back. '_Kurei'… Why does it have his name on the back of it?_

Kurei slipped his chain off his neck and took the pendent off her hand, noting that she was shaking slightly. He joined the two halves of the heart together and laid them on the table before her. They fitted perfectly together.

She ran her finger hesitantly over the two pieces, before turning them over. _'Kurei' and 'Kurenai'… Why do they have our names carved on the back of them? And how does he have the other half?_

He saw the emotions playing across her delicate face as she continued to stare at the full heart in front of her, her fingers absently tracing the patterns on the cold metal. "You gave it to me a few years back. Don't you see? You _are_ the person I've been looking for, Kurenai." 

She shook her head and laughed slightly, albeit a little shakily. "I'm sorry, I think you've got the wrong person. How do I even know that you're telling me the truth? About us… and about me? For all I know, you could just be lying to me." She got up and was about to leave the table when he grabbed hold of her wrist.

"Kurenai, please, listen to me…"

"There's nothing left to say. I don't know who you are, nor do I understand what you are talking about. Just… just leave me alone, will you?" She shook his hand off and almost ran out of the shop.

Kurei got up and was about to follow her when the old woman, who had been watching them for some time, spoke up. "Let her go. She needs time to decide."

"Decide what?"

"Whether to trust her heart, or trust her mind. When she has made her decision, she will find you."

"How?"

The old woman looked at him with deep green eyes that seemed to search his soul. "I don't know how, but I know for sure that life has a way of making things happen. Things that you never thought would be possible."

Kurei laughed slightly in disbelief. "How would you know? You don't even understand what I'm feeling right now…"

She gave a mysterious smile. "Believe me. I know more than you do… especially about matters like this. Stop worrying and go home. It won't do you any good if you are thinking of going to find her again after telling her so much about her past."

Kurei obediently turned to leave the shop, wondering why on earth he was actually taking the old woman's advice when he remember something. "Excuse me… um, how do you know Kurenai?"

"I found her."

"Found her?"

"Yes. In the park, one night when there were shooting stars not too long ago. It was the night of the full moon too, if I recall correctly."

__

The full moon… could it have been… the night he made that wish?

"Oh…"

"Is there anything else?"

"No. Thank you." He walked out of the shop, deep in his thoughts.

The old lady watched him make his way down the street and smiled slightly to herself. '_Be patient, young man. You'll find that wishes really do come true…_'

Insane author's notes:

*sweatdrop* Er… hi. I know this chapter is about… let me count… 5 weeks overdue… *bows profusely* GOMENGOMENGOMENGOMEN!!! 

Ahem. Now for the stupid essay on why I didn't update sooner: (Those not interested in hearing why, just skip this paragraph.) First, I had a class chalet on the weekend I was supposed to write, so obviously I couldn't write. Then, I had to take my exams (or block tests as we 'fondly' call them. *bleh*) so I couldn't write again in case I ended up angsting during my English paper. Then, I had the oh-so-wonderful writer's block 'cos I was hyper everyday, and I can only write seriously when I'm depressed. Last, but not least, my computer caught a stupid virus and was 'hospitalized' for the whole weekend = I couldn't write again. Obviously.

Ok. Enough crap. A big, fat THANK YOU to all the nice pple out there who reviewed for me. You guys really made my day! *streamers and balloons* *hyper grin* Also, thanks to Zephyr for updating _Blue Waters_, otherwise I would never have felt pressured enough to finish this chapter, which has been collecting dust for 1 month. (We're having a private competition on who writes faster and I'm currently in the lead. *peace sign*) Thanks for reading!

Ps: The next chapter should be done soon (I hope) 'cos it's already in the process of being written. I'll try my very best to write it ASAP Okie? Oh, and also, apologies if this chapter sounds a little… I dunno, strained or cliched, 'cos I'm not very good at describing emotions in 3rd person. It sounds nice and looks nice in my head, but it just doesn't turn out right when it's in black and white. )= It's much easier if I do it in 1st person, but kinda confusing if I keep jumping from different POVs, right? 

PPS: To tell the truth, I'm not very sure how Kurenai looks like. So I imagined how she would look (somewhat like Neon, I guess) Anyone out there who knows how she really looks like, please tell me. Thanks! Ü


	4. Yesterday's Ashes: Chapter 3

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YESTERDAY'S ASHES

Disclaimer: Bet you guys already know what I'm going to say. So come up with something creative and pretend that I wrote that as my disclaimer, 'kay? In case you can't tell, I've temporarily exhausted my creative juices when it comes to writing disclaimers so…. Ü

****

CHAPTER 3

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'The greatest tragedy of all time,

Is to have your love standing in front of you, 

And knowing that you can't reach out to him'

Anon. 

(Actually, found vandalized on a desk I was using in school. Ü)

Kurenai's POV

He tells me… that I was once someone very special to him. Someone he never wished to be separated from.

How can it be so? He is… who is he to me?

I don't remember.

I can't remember.

Why does he seem so familiar? Every time I look at him, into his eyes, I feel a sense of peace. I feel as though I can trust him, and something else. I feel as though… he was once part of me, and that he was more than just a friend.

Impossible.

But then again, it could be probable.

He could understand how I felt without me voicing my feelings. How come he knows me so well? He even knew what was carved on the back of my pendent; I didn't even know that it had a name carved on it. Is it just coincidence that the name there was… his?

Kurei…

That name, and face. So familiar, yet so alien.

Who are you? Why have you come? Was it, for me?

Who are you… to me?

I want to know. I need to know.

Someone, help me… please… I need an answer… 

Kurei's POV

She seems so… confused.

I want to help her, touch her. I want to know that I'm not dreaming and that she is real. Yet, I'm afraid that if I do so, she'll vanish before my eyes again, like she has so many times before in my dreams.

It's impossible, that a dead person should live again. But this is one wish that I hope is reality.

If I'm dreaming, please don't wake me up. 

Not now, not ever. I just want to live on like this, knowing that she is real and that she is here with me.

The old lady told me that Kurenai needed time to make up her mind. I don't know what she needs to decide, but if it's time that she needs, I'm willing to give her all the time in the world. I've waited 5 years for this moment; no matter how long it takes, I will wait until she has made her choice.

Please Kurenai, come back to me. I need you, more than you could ever know.

Kurenai's POV

Those voices in my head, they're getting louder and louder. I don't know who to listen to. One tells me to believe his words; the other tells me not to be a fool. It is tempting to listen to the latter and just forget the incident, but somehow, I… 

I just can't.

I asked the lady who found me how I got to know her. She told me that she found me collapsed on the path at the park one night. She brought me back to her house and took care of me until I got better.

I remember waking up in her house. She asked me for my name and where I was from. I told her that I was Kurenai, and that I was from…

Where was I from?

I don't remember.

I panicked. She told me to relax, but I couldn't. I tried to recall, where I was from, what I was doing in the park on that night, how I even got there in the first place.

Nothing. Everything was blank.

All I knew was that my name was Kurenai. That's all. And just the faintest impression of a person…

A person who was… close, no, dear… to me. A person who was everything to me

But if such a person exists, why can't I remember who this person is? How can I even be sure that this person is not some figment of my imagination? 

I don't know, I'm confused.

Kurei… are you telling me the truth about us? Or are you just playing with my feelings? 

Kurei's POV

It just occurred to me…

What if I was wrong? 

What if she _isn't_ Kurenai? Just another person, with the same name, same smile, same voice, same everything.

It's been a long time since I last called out my flame. Kurenai, my flame angel.

Her spirit is forever entombed in my flame, the Phoenix. 

If Kurenai really _is_ alive, she would need her spirit to live, wouldn't she?

Which means that, if she is real, I shouldn't have a flame angel in her form anymore inside of me.

I hold my hand out in front of me, ready to summon her, to coax out my angel…

But I don't dare to.

I want to believe that Kurenai is alive. I don't want to see her in her flame form. I want to know that the person I see before me is truly flesh, not a spirit.

I want to know the truth, but I don't dare to face up to the truth.

What an irony.

If only everything in life was as simple as flipping a coin…

Insane author's notes:

Hm… hope this chapter turned out better than the previous one. As I said before, it's easier for me to imagine myself into the character's shoes, then write a POV, rather than doing everything in 3rd person… oh well. 

Anyway, this story should be finished in about 2 more chapters. Don't worry if I disappear for a prolonged period of time, I'll _definitely_ finish writing this, then I can say for once that I actually managed to finish my own multi-part story. Ü It's not my fault that the spastic education system here is trying to drown us in facts, of which about 75% will probably never apply to me.

A big fat THANK YOU, especially to _bishounen lovah_, who has reviewed every single chapter of my fic. You make me really happy every time I see your name and your review! Ü *streamers and balloons* Thanks also to _Star of Recca_ for offering to scan in some images for me, but I guess it won't be necessary, since this fic should be ending soon… plus, I can always go pester my friend for the manga. Ü And to all you pple out there, if you want me to post faster, then review more! Cos the rest of the chapters are sitting in my computer waiting to be posted. And I plan not to post them until I get at least 3 reviews for this chapter and subsequent chapters, or until 1 month has passed between each one. So… you guys know what to do right? Please **R & R**, I get really sad when no one else reviews, and then my classmates suffer, 'cos I just sit there and wail every morning. And make a lot of noise about nothing. *grinz* 

Thanks for reading!


	5. Yesterday's Ashes: Chapter 4

****

YESTERDAY'S ASHES

Disclaimer: … … … 

I have nothing to say about my ownership of the characters used for this story, so go figure.

****

CHAPTER 4

__

Life can put distance between us

Days even years could pass on

But the love that lies between us

Will always be worth holding on

I could try to forget you

But the memories keep lingering on

And the dreams I dream about you

They always keep me holding on

Together forever always

From the dawn 'til the end of the day

No matter how far or where you are

We're together forever always

'Together Forever Always' by LeAnn Rimes

[Just in case you get confused:

__

Words like this indicate voices heard in the characters' head (sort of like a mind voice)

Stuff in these: ' … ' indicate a second party talking.

Stuff in these: " … " indicate the person concerned talking.

Hope that wasn't too confusing… *sweatdrop*]

Kurei's dream

Fire. 

All around me.

I am surrounded by it, yet I am unharmed.

The dancing purple flame I call my own.

The tongues of flame before me waver slightly and form a bird that grows larger with each passing moment.

The Phoenix.

It flaps its wings, sending a blast of hot air over me as it rises above me and stares down at me, scrutinizing me with eyes that burn deep into my soul. I raise my head to meet its gaze, ignoring the fact that I know I can not hide my feelings from it.

"Why are you here?"

__

You know why. A stern voice echoes in my head, commanding, yet, understanding.

I do. But I do not dare to confess it. Even to myself.

There is silence. I sigh, knowing that one of us has to give in sooner or later. "Because of Kurenai…"

__

Why do you keep holding on to the past? The future is all about you now. All you have to do is open your eyes, and look.

I laugh, a strange noise that sounds stifled. "What future? All I ever had was in my past. And I was robbed of that as well."

__

Stop misleading yourself. You cannot see what you have because you refuse to see it.

"What…" Of all things, here was my flame giving me a lecture.

__

You will not be able to understand yourself and others until you can learn how to let go. You think that by keeping all this to yourself, you are being strong. You are not. You are being a fool.

"Now wait a minute. Since when did I…"

__

You think that you can deceive yourself, master, but you can't. In the end, it is you who will suffer.

Speechless.

The Phoenix pauses, cocking its head to one side as it looks down at me as I struggle to absorb its words. Words that, much as I hate to admit, were true. It lowers its head slightly, such that it faces me directly, and continues, this time, softer, gentler. _Master, look inside your heart, and trust yourself. If you cannot trust yourself and be true to yourself, then there's no one else you can turn to._

It fades, its shape blending into the flames around me. Suddenly, I feel arms around me, holding me tight in a familiar embrace.

I close my eyes, knowing that the person holding me is not human. Well, not fully human - 

Kurenai.

I can see her wings stretching out on either side of me as she stays there, hugging me, not saying a word. Finally, she whispers into my ear, 'You know I will always be there with you Kurei, in flesh or in spirit. Trust me.' She lets go of me and withdraws. 'And trust your heart…'

I whirl around. There is no one there behind me.

"Kurenai? Kurenai!"

I hear the voice of an angel, singing a song, as I am dragged slowly back to consciousness. A song of hope, and joy.

'That special place in your heart, and mine. We will meet there. That is my promise to you…' 

Kurenai's dream

A rose bush full of red blossoms in full bloom. Red, the colour of passion. For dream flowers, they smell very real…

Almost as though I really am standing in front of them.

I reach out a hand to touch a flower. I hear footsteps on the gravel path. I look up.

A couple approaches me.

They pause right in front of the bush I am standing at, not seeming to see me. They don't even know that I'm there. Their faces are in the shadow.

The girl reaches out and fingers the blooms, like I did, before turning to her companion. 'They're beautiful aren't they?'

He steps forward and closes his hand around hers. 'Not nearly as beautiful as you are.'

I know him. He is…

Kurei.

The light falls upon his face. It lacks the scar I saw when we were at the shop. It also looks so cold, and lonely.

The girl laughs as she says almost teasingly, 'Are you flattering me?'

He smiles at her, his eyes softening. 

Then he disappears into the darkness. But the girl remains behind, her face still in the shadow.

"Who are you?" I ask curiously.

'I am you.' She replies.

I realise suddenly that she sounds like me.

"Impossible. How can you be me?"

She steps forward into the light, letting her action speak for her.

I am face to face with her, it's almost like looking into a mirror. Brown hair, amber eyes…

'I am your soul.'

"My…soul?"

'Yes. I can sense that you are confused, about him.'

"I don't know what you are talking about."

'You can't deceive me, I know you better than you do.'

"How do I know you are telling the truth in the first place?"

'Because deep inside you, you know that you trust me.'

Ok. So she had a point there.

I sigh wearily, all the feelings that have been troubling me for the past few days resurfacing. "Tell me… what to do. I don't know what to do, or think, or feel. He seems so familiar to me, but I don't know him. Do I?"

'You knew him once, a long time ago.'

"Then why don't I remember?"

'Because you don't want to remember it. To remember him, would be to remember all the pain that came with the happiness…'

Recklessly, I reply, "Show me." 

She pauses. 'Are you sure you are ready for this?' 

I nod. I am past caring about anything. I just want to know the truth.

She sighs slightly and vanishes back into the shadows. I feel something stirring inside me, unfolding… I can feel her become me, both in body and soul. I feel complete, yet lacking in something. Then, the memories hit me.

The good times we had together behind his father's back, all the secret trysts we had in the moonlit garden when no one was around to spy on us.

The pain of seeing him waste away emotionally under his father's thumb. The pain of…

Flash

__

My heart

It hurts

So bad

"Kurenai!!"

Make it stop

"Don't leave me please!"

I have to go

I'm sorry

My love

Flash

I stagger, then sink to my knees. The images flood my head, flashes of colour, so much pain. I could see it all happening again. Over and over…

His tears… my blood. A bird of flame hovering over my still body, entering me, consuming me totally, turning me into his flame… 

I could see the battles I fought by his side, watching his comrades fight for him and with him. The purple-haired ninja, the masked man in armour, the red-headed flutist, whose affections for him were more than just that of a loyal employee… all of them…

__

Don't you see? He is the one your heart is searching for. Stop holding yourself back. The voice chides me softly.

I shake my head, unable to control the tears that start flowing down my face. "I know… I want to… but how? I am dead… aren't I?"

The inner me laughs softly. _Yes, you **were**. But you see, sometimes wishes have the ability to surpass all boundaries._

"I need time…. I… don't know my own heart still."

The voice fades, _Take your time. When you are ready, search your heart, and you will find him…_

An image.

A wish.

A promise.

My love…

Kurei's POV

I dreamt of her again, last night.

But then again, it _wasn't_ her. Not her human form in any case.

The Phoenix's advice certainly made sense to me…

Oh well. I suppose it's now or never. 

I hold out my hand and summon my flame before I can stop myself again.

The familiar sensation of fire spreads up my arm as a ball of purple flame appears about my fingertips. 

I hold my breath as I will out my flame angel…

Nothing.

She's not there. She's really alive.

A ridiculous grin spreads across my face. It takes all my self-control not to start jumping up and down in excitement, and convince my Uruha that I really have gone off my rocker.

There's only one place she'll be at if she has come to the same conclusion as me.

This time, I won't let her down.

Kurenai's POV

Do dreams really tell us the truth? Or are they just tricks that our imaginations play on us when we are not in control of them as we sleep?

Well, last night's dream seemed pretty real.

So real I was still crying when I woke up.

Yet, I felt no sadness, only a sense of… I could only call it… peace.

So here I am thinking about what 'I' told myself last night, about Kurei.

To find out that one is dead is… disconcerting to say the least. But to be able to come back from the dead, I'm sure there must have been a purpose in it.

I tried to lie to myself again in the dream, by saying that I did not know my heart, when in actual fact…

I knew it all too well.

I want to see him again.

I need to see him again.

To tell him that he is everything I hold dear.

__

'When you are ready, search your heart, and you will find him…'

I am searching, trying to remember where he could be, when I realise…

The answer was right in front of me all the time.

I know where I will find him. 

And I know that that's where he'll find me.

Because he promised.

Insane Author's Notes:

Yay! One more chapter and I can say that I finished one whole serious fic that didn't have an ounce of crap in it!! Apart from the disclaimers and my spastic commentaries known as author's notes, that is… oh well, I just can't live without crap, like I can't live without sugar! *hyper grinz*

I'll be changing style again in the last chapter (aka, I'll be writing in proper prose in 3rd person instead of jumping from POV to POV). Sorry if this chapter and the previous one turned out rather fragmented; didn't want to confuse pple who might not get who is having what POV by not labeling the parts… Ok fine. I didn't want to confuse _myself_ while writing this. But, oh well, if there're pple out there like me, then I guess you guys would appreciate it, ne?

Since this is almost the end of the fic, any suggestions abt what I should write in the future are welcome. All my inspiration is currently being channeled into my Playstation. Ü Last but not least, please R & R!!

Ps: I might go MIA again cos I'm supposed to study for my exams… but then again, I've a reputation for being on the computer when I'm not supposed to. *winks* I'll try to finish this ASAP okie?


	6. Yesterday's Ashes: Chapter 5

****

YESTERDAY'S ASHES

Disclaimer: For the last time, I don't own the characters and will never own them… though I don't mind if they were mine. Ü

****

CHAPTER 5

__

  
And so we weave, as the years pass, tapestries of life.  
Of the joy and the sorrow,  
The laughter and the tears,  
And the different colours of our life.

  
  
Weaving the stories and memories  
That they may last forever more, unfading,  
As the years pass and the tapestry nears its finish.

  
  
For life is but a tapestry,  
A lifelong project that must eventually come to an end,  
And once past, never repeated.  


  
Together we weave the tapestry,  
The many threads of life binding us as one,  
Joining yours and mine in the tapestry that is life.  


  
Through the years, the colours never fading,  
Tapestries of life,  
Echoes from the past  
Buried deep within our hearts.

'Tapestries Of Life' by Sakayume

"What would you do if something happened to me one day?"

Kurei leaned back against the bench and frowned slightly. "Why are you asking this?"

Kurenai shrugged. "Just a thought."

"I… don't know. I suppose that I wouldn't be able to live without you. But I'd never let anything happen to you."

"Really?"

"I promise."

She looked up at the stars in the night sky. "And if… something ever happens to one of us, we will see each other again, right?"

"Yes, of course. Nothing's going to happen to us. You worry too much."

Kurenai laughed softly. "Perhaps I do, but no one knows what the future holds."

He held her face between his hands and said, "Well then, since you keep thinking so much about it, if anything happens, we'll meet again here. This will be our special place."

She smiled and nodded as she snuggled against him.

__

I promise that I will find you, wherever you are. 

No matter what the cost.

***

Kurenai blinked and snapped out of her daze. The memory of his promise to her seemed so clear, almost as though it was just yesterday that he had made it.

While she had been dreaming, her feet had been carrying her to a secluded corner of the park. 

A bench amidst the rose bushes, hidden from view from the main path. The perfect spot for people who did not want to be seen.

As she sat down at one end of the bench, she could not help feeling a sense of dread, and of doubt, that perhaps, he would not come, and that it was all a mistake…

That she was not the person he was looking for.

But deep in her heart, she knew that everything would be alright.

***

The gravel crunched softly under his shoes, the sharp sound strangely soothing to his ears. At night, all was silent, save for the song of the insects. The fragrance of the flowers in full bloom hung in the air, like perfume after the wearer has left the room.

He was getting near. He could feel himself trembling slightly with anticipation. He hoped that he would be able to find what he was looking for but what if…

He turned the corner.

And stopped.

There was someone there.

A shadowy figure sitting on the bench he used to share with _her_. A woman sitting there,

Waiting…

He moved forward again, softly, not wishing to disturb her.

As though alerted by his presence, the woman stood up and turned to face him. 

Silvery moonlight shedding its soft glow over her. Every curve of her face accented and made more beautiful by the shadows cast.

They stood there for a long while, staring, different thoughts racing across their minds.

He broke the silence. "You came."

She nodded, still not speaking.

He waited.

She turned to the side and walked towards the rose bush. Back facing him, she began speaking softly, her voice floating gently through the night. "I… had a dream of the past, a dream of all the memories of my past life. We used to come here last time, didn't we? Whenever we could slip out of the mansion without Mori-sama finding out." 

"So, you remembered…" he half-whispered, yet his words were still audible to her.

She smiled slightly, her face hidden from his view, and continued. "And then, we were separated, even though you promised me…"

"I tried, I did all I could to stop them, but - "

She cut him off, before he could start blaming himself again. "I know. I wasn't part of your flame for so long for nothing, you know."

He remained silent at her gentle reproach.

She ran her fingertips lightly over a rose in full bloom before she broke it off the bush. Twirling it slightly between her fingers, she turned to face him. "I've been thinking about this, ever since we met outside the shop. I didn't know what to do, or feel. Then, I realised that the only answer I ever needed was right in front of me. For a while, I was afraid that perhaps, I was mistaken, but now that I'm here with you, I know that I wasn't."

Kurenai took a step closer to Kurei and held out the rose to him. She smiled and said, "I'm back, Kurei. And this time, I'm here to stay."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her fiercely, his lips holding all the passion he had reserved for her for the past years. Behind them, the moon seemed to smile in satisfaction as a star fell from the sky.

Insane Author's Notes:

YAY!!! FINALLY!! I FINISHED IT!!! *streamers and balloons*

Ahem, first of all, apologies if this chapter didn't quite turn out that good, I have come to the final conclusion that no matter how hard I try, all attempts at sap came out pretty much as crap. Sigh. Thank goodness it didn't turn out to be as bad as one of my other fics, which will never be finished, whereby I went on a hyper editing spree, and a supposedly serious character turned out sounding exactly like me talking. And believe me, I usually talk crap most of the time… so you guys can figure out the overall effect.

Next, a big, fat THANK YOU to all the people who reviewed for me and Zephyr for giving me suggestions and pestering me to write. Ü Since I finished this, you better finish all the other stuff that you're supposed to finish. *hint hint* Thanks also to Sakayume for letting me use her poem. You guys rock!

Last but not least… I'll be back. *evil laughter to fade out* (When I finally think of something else to write, that is. ^_~)  



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